Todd Salem NFL Mockity Mock Draft – 20 January 2012

January 21, 2012 · Todd Salem

A Humorous Slant on the 2012 NFL Draft

Round 1
1	Indianapolis	Andrew Luck	QB	Stanford
Indianapolis has some franchise upheaval going on right now. With no GM, no head coach and a very questionable returning Hall of Fame quarterback, the time might be ripe to make a long-term error here. Luckily, this pick is a no-brainer.
2	St. Louis	Justin Blackmon	WR	Oklahoma State
St. Louis had a very disappointing season. They had troubles all over both their offensive and defensive lines. Questions sprung up as to whether Sam Bradford is actually a quarterback worth building around. Before jumping ship, let’s see what happens when they give him a legit number one receiver.
3	Minnesota	Calvin Klein		Department Stores
To prepare for their move to Los Angeles, Minnesotans must empty their closets and buy whole new wardrobes to adjust to the changing climate.
4	Cleveland	The LSU Tigers starting lineup		LSU
Despite what you may have been told, not every NFL team is leaps and bounds better than a college team. In fact, I am pretty sure most of the Tigers would have started for the Browns last season.
5	Tampa Bay	Josh Freeman 2010	QB	Tampa Bay
Tampa Bay had promise and hope. Boy did they have hope. A tremendous 2010 season paved the way for one of the more disastrous 2011 seasons the NFL had to offer. Redrafting their quarterback in 2010 form seems like the smartest move they can make in order to recapture the magic they had.
6	Washington	Matt Barkley	QB	USC
Matt Barkley has already decided to return to USC for his senior season. The Redskins should not let this deter them from selecting the talented quarterback. Much like how NBA teams select foreign players just to see them return overseas for another year, Washington should take Barkley and just wait another 12 months to reap the benefits.
7	Jacksonville	Tim Tebow	QB	Florida
Yeah, I guess in hindsight they probably should have traded up for him.
8	Miami	Morris Claiborne	CB	LSU
Even though they fired their head coach and are drafting in the top 10, the Dolphins really don’t seem that far away. Throwing Claiborne, the nation’s best cover corner, opposite the already established Vontae Davis will sure up the Fins’ secondary.
9	Carolina	Robert Griffin III	QB	Baylor
Sure they already drafted a wildly successful running quarterback a year ago in Cam Newton but if one could be that good, imagine what two could do.
10	Buffalo	Jonathan Martin	OT	Stanford
There is nothing remotely funny about this pick…just as there is never anything remotely funny that happens in the city of Buffalo, NY. Just ask a Bills fan, if you can find one.
11	Kansas City	Phoenix Suns Training Staff		NBA
There is an almost reverent vibe that comes with the mention of the training staff of the NBA’s Phoenix Suns. They have fixed Grant Hill, Shaq, propelled Steve Nash into his late 30s; there is nothing they cannot heal. The Chiefs will select them 11th and immediately introduce them to Jamaal Charles.
12	Seattle	(draft pick forfeited because of recruitment violations)
Oh, you say Pete Carroll cannot commit recruitment violations in professional football? You’ve obviously never met the man.
13	Arizona	Kurt Warner	QB	NFL Network
The Kevin Kolb signing seems to have been a bit of a mistake. Really the only quarterback in recent Cardinals history who has not been a mistake was Kurt Warner. Put A and B together.
14	Dallas	Cliff Harris	CB	Oregon
Terence Newman and the Cowboys secondary was so often ripped to shreds this season, drafting a defensive back seems like the only logical solution. Even though there will certainly be more reliable DBs still on the board at this point, going with the legal question mark that is Cliff Harris brings Dallas back to their championship days.
15	Philadelphia	Alshon Jeffery	WR	South Carolina
DeSean Jackson managed to ruin a good thing in Philadelphia. He soured everyone towards him so much, it seems quite impossible they will want to bring him back. Taking his place will be a talented wide receiver used to playing with a quarterback who did much the same thing at South Carolina. That experience will be priceless for Jeffery.
16	New York Jets	(PASS)
In a surprising turn of events, Rex Ryan, Rex Ryan’s ego and the New York Jets decide to forgo their first round pick and simply pass. Super Bowl favorites don’t need first round draft picks.
17	Cincinnati (from Oak)	Jeff Demps	RB/WR	Florida
In a kind homage to the late Al Davis, Cincinnati decides to use the Raiders’ pick they obtained to make a very “Oakland” selection by picking the man who ran the fastest 40 time at the combine.
18	San Diego	Trent Richardson	RB	Alabama
Everyone is in agreement that Ryan Mathews is not quite worthy of being a team’s every down back. Everyone is also in agreement that Norv Turner will most certainly not draft anyone resembling a defensive player heading into a season where he needs his talents to shine in order to keep his job past 2012.
19	Chicago	Vontaze Burfict	ILB	Arizona State
If not for a few (very crippling) injuries, the Bears would have been one of the favorites in the NFC heading into this year’s playoffs. Instead, they are forced to wait another year. Providing depth for an aging linebacking corps could be a smart move.
20	Tennessee	David Wilson	RB	Virginia Tech
“Screw you Chris Johnson!” -Titans Front Office Personnel
21	Cincinnati	Melvin Ingram	DE	South Carolina
With their second pick already in the draft, Cincinnati will try to sure up their defense, a unit that started out 2011 so promising but tailed off as the season progressed.
22	Cleveland (from Atl)	Any remaining Alabama Crimson Tide players
See: Cleveland Selection 4th overall for description.
23	Detroit	Dre Kirkpatrick	CB	Alabama
Comparing Detroit’s secondary to a sieve would be disrespectful to sieves. Just ask Matt Flynn and his new multimillion dollar contract.
24	Pittsburgh	David DeCastro	G	Stanford
Offensive line help should prevent Ben Roethlisberger from being horribly crippled again next season like he was in the playoffs. Also helpful would be a defensive gameplan that doesn’t try to openly mock the opponent’s starting quarterback.
25	Denver	Devon Still	DT	Penn State
…and you thought I was going to make some sort of Jesus joke.
26	Houston	Michael Floyd	WR	Notre Dame
If it wasn’t for Matt Schaub going down, the Texans may very well have represented the AFC in the Super Bowl. They have very few team flaws. Grabbing a real threat to spot opposite Andre Johnson should give opposing defensive coordinators nightmares.
27	New England (from NO)	Dwayne Allen	TE	Clemson
Dwayne Allen is the best tight end in the draft. Rather than attempt to fill in holes, New England instead decides to build upon their strength. After all, there is no cap on tight ends on the depth chart.
28	Green Bay	Andre Branch	DE	Clemson
The loss of Cullen Jenkins up front really seemed to make a huge difference last season. Without the big man, Green Bay got very little pass rush all season and ended with, statistically, one of the worst defenses in the league.
29	New York Giants	Lawrence Taylor	LB	Jail
Not realizing the famed LT is not only long since retired but also guilty of serious crimes, the Giants once again try desperately to fill their huge void in the linebacking corps.
30	Baltimore	Lamar Miller	RB	Miami (FL)
Although not technically a team need with the peerless Ray Rice in Baltimore, Ray Lewis and Ed Reed refuse to allow the Ravens to select someone here not a former member of The U.
31	San Francisco	Nick Foles	QB	Arizona
The old 49ers would have drafted a quarterback here to destroy any confidence Alex Smith had built just because they were not completely sold on his future as a franchise guy. The new 49ers apparently think the same thing.
32	New England	Michael Egnew	TE	Missouri
Okay, now Bill Belichick is just being a jerk about it.

Team Pages

Todd Salem NFL Mockity Mock Draft – 20 January 2012

Join Us On Your Favorite Network

About Us

Writing For Us